you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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