Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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