hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
