I just pynch a tree in the face
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
how does that bad decision feel?
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
