I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
