the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Randomize
