I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Randomize
