There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
