why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
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