remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
