u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Randomize
