I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
