Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
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