I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
