Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize