I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
