I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Randomize
