Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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