i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I'm like, not good at living.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize