i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I touched a dick in church today
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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