11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I wish I could punch you in the face.
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
