i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Randomize
