I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
