Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize