Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
