so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
