My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
