Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
