I need to stop coming to work sober
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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