I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize