he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
