Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
