i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Randomize
