I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Randomize
