Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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