Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
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