was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
