My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
