Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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