Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
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