If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
