everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Randomize