I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
My bed smells like the plague
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
