i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Couch. On fire.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
