And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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