You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
im six kinds of drunk right now
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Randomize
