Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Randomize
