one two three fourrrrnication!
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
