I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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