I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
