My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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