Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
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