This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
she told me i tasted like america
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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