so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
