I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
