Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
