i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
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