By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Randomize
