I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
