Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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