I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Randomize
