my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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