what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Randomize
