I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
