i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Randomize
