So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
