So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
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