just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
