i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
