I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
