pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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