i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
