I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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