Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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