I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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