You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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