I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize