I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
