Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
