Will you blow on my dice?
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
