At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
We left an ass print on the piano.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize