I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
