respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
