Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
