I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
did i walk over a car last night?
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize
