Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
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