are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Bang-toberfest begins!!
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Randomize
