Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
