I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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