Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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