Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
