i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
