girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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