Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize