Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
