Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
This couple is walking their pig around campus
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize