You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I'm gonna fight the coyote
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
