Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
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